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| 10:35pm 20/02/2006 |
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mood:  stressed
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yay art show next week!
i'm going to die!
ahhh! |
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| siojfdo |
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| 10:18pm 03/10/2005 |
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mood: cranky
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Oh school, how i love thee, let me count the ways...but if i love thee so much, why am i not doing any work? I'm seriously fucking myself over here!!
So i have a wicked idea for my instillation class. I could explain it if people want to know, but I'm tired and don't feel like writing it all out. If anyone wants to know I can send it to them, or post my proposal and get feed back from you all! I like feed back
The problem is that all i want to work on are things for my sculpture class that I don't want to focus on anything else, although this year in print i should have lots of fun. My teacher wants me to make sculptures out of my prints. I started saying I was going to do that and having no idea HOW to do it...but my teacher is really excited about it and already "okay-ed" my first idea, so I guess I'm off to work...although this thing I'm working on NOW is really hard, a real pain in the arse.
MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!! I'm kinda excited about it! I'm usually not cause no one has ever made a big stink over my b-day. So I'm not sure why I'm all excited this year, I'm probably going to just work myself up for a huge dissapointment. I was thinking about things I would like to get, and all I could think of were things that I need. Like new clothing, I seriously do. But there are these necklaces I've really liked, I wanna go to the place that makes them and see them! But I bet they're hella expensive. Wouldn't hurt to look though eh? Here's the link to the site, since i can't directly link the image and am too lazy to do what it takes to post it [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<www.36vintl.com>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Oh school, how i love thee, let me count the ways...but if i love thee so much, why am i not doing any work? I'm seriously fucking myself over here!!
So i have a wicked idea for my instillation class. I could explain it if people want to know, but I'm tired and don't feel like writing it all out. If anyone wants to know I can send it to them, or post my proposal and get feed back from you all! I like feed back
The problem is that all i want to work on are things for my sculpture class that I don't want to focus on anything else, although this year in print i should have lots of fun. My teacher wants me to make sculptures out of my prints. I started saying I was going to do that and having no idea HOW to do it...but my teacher is really excited about it and already "okay-ed" my first idea, so I guess I'm off to work...although this thing I'm working on NOW is really hard, a real pain in the arse.
MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!! I'm kinda excited about it! I'm usually not cause no one has ever made a big stink over my b-day. So I'm not sure why I'm all excited this year, I'm probably going to just work myself up for a huge dissapointment. I was thinking about things I would like to get, and all I could think of were things that I need. Like new clothing, I seriously do. But there are these necklaces I've really liked, I wanna go to the place that makes them and see them! But I bet they're hella expensive. Wouldn't hurt to look though eh? Here's the link to the site, since i can't directly link the image and am too lazy to do what it takes to post it <www.36vintl.com>
There is the one that I really really want. I'm such a necklace freak, I love them! But all mine are packed away and I miss them.
anyways my contacts are really fucken pissing me off
goodnight! |
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| Coldplay |
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| 09:07pm 23/08/2005 |
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mood:  distressed music: feefee dobsin?
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Why did this song just click and make sense to me today?
Maybe I just never listened to it?
( Oy. ) |
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| another day, another meal |
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| 08:00pm 18/08/2005 |
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mood:  blank music: Biosphere
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It makes me excited to start my screen printing class this year.
Oy I need to sit down and start planning some ideas of what I'm going to do in all my classes! School is coming up so fast...
( I like this t-shirt )
OH and what is it when all the sudden a muscle in your claf feels like it's flexing or something really tight all on it's own, and it hurts like a bitch, and you can't move it or anything????? That happened to me a while after I finished working out and I was freaking out! |
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| yay pictures! |
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| 09:24pm 27/04/2005 |
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mood: distressed music: not sure..
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UGGHHGHGHGHGHGHGH I NEED TO DO SOMETHING CREATIVE BEFORE I POP!
I seem to be stuck for coming up with anything creative on my own. I seem to want to just copy everyone else.
I was looking at Sean Ward's stuff for his upcoming comic book and I was blown away by it, IT LOOKS SO FREAKIN GOOD! I felt motivated to get up and do something of my own, or at least something to add to his fan page perhaps...But man, I don't know what's wrong with me. I tried doing some drawings that ended up looking like absolute CRAP! And made me sit there and start to cry...ya how pitiful. You guys gotta go check out Sean Wards stuff!!!!!! He is a brilliant brilliant man!
I think I'm just being extremely lazy mentally. I've been working out at least! Walking the dog twice a day and Anthony let me borrow something too, not sure if i look any better, don't really feel better, but i feel more toned up...and lazy..ha!
Ugh, at least I've started and completed one project. I created a new living environment for my bata fish
but i really need to come up with something else..AND SOON! I feel like crap not improving my skills.
That's all for now folks!!! MUAH
Oh and samson is doing wonderfully, here's a picture of him lounging on the couch...
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| 11:34am 06/07/2004 |
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mood:  amused music: lalala
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I'm moving
sadly with my parents
I don't know where to yet, but probably further west to Richmond Hill, who knows!
This sucks-ish |
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| oh gosh... |
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| 11:02pm 01/07/2004 |
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mood:  depressed music: The Used
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can someone please shoot me because I am the biggest fucken idiot I know. I wish I would stop caring and get over this shit already, I've gone through enough heart ach and just when I think I'm over it and okay, I find out something simple that is said just makes it worse and the tears well up again. I hate you, but I love you and still even after all this I still don't want to lose you, therefore I am the biggest idiot I know. This situation is making me hate myself. I don't understand how things went so wrong, but I hate myself not for it happening, but because I feel like I'm not good enough. If things were so great then why would he want them to end? I hate myself, it feels like my last shitty relationship all over again...
So now I wonder, what is wrong with me? I don't think I'm a bad g/f at all...maybe I am a little dependent on him but who isn't in a relationship?
I hate myself for feeling this way. I wish more then anything I could just not care anymore, get over it and move on, but it's so hard. He just felt so right for me. I wish so much with all my heart he felt the same way and things would go back how they were. But I see that that isn't going to happen. He's going to come over Saturday and he's going to break up with me. That's it...I just know it...
i wish i was better then this, stronger then this, i wish i had a self destruct button besides what i do to compinsate. i just want the hurt to stop. i want... i think i want to much. |
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| I FUCKEN HATE YOU JL |
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| 09:15pm 15/06/2004 |
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mood: pissed off music: The Vines
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WOW WHERE HAVE I BEEN! Time has been zooming by and I seem to not have much time for anything anymore, perhaps if I would just work 3 days a week for 8 hours instead of 5 days for about 4 then I would have more time for other things!
A LOT has happened with me in the past, about month? or at least since the last time I updated in here so read on baby cause do I ever have a lot to tell, I'll try to keep it as to the point as I can.
( DIFFERENT TIME ZONE?? THIS ISN'T RIGHT!!! ) |
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| sjfhsduhf |
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| 10:46pm 21/05/2004 |
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mood: sick music: Janis Jopplin
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WELL!
Things have been going rather well for me for the past few week! In saying that I'm sure my luck has just run out, but I'll br happy with what I had!
Things with Anthony have been going rather awesomely. On Sunday that just passed I think was one of the best days we had ever had together. He was the most amazing sweetest thing in the world, if you wish to know more( click here )
And now for something completely different...
I have now become co-owner of Derek's company..shit I should really learn the fucken name of it! I'm taking a plane to Thunder Bay on the 7th to look at the house and we're gonna decide if we're gonna take it for sure or not, we have till the 20th to say out final answer. I'm scared shitless, but my faith in Derek's enthusiasm leads me on.
Well if I had anything else to say I forget what it is, I feel sick, I shouldn't have had that second slice of pizza! Stupid fatty shit! lol Alright I'm out
woot, i like my colour...i feel like such a conformist doing this...
silence_death>
goodbye all my loves! |
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| 10:48am 13/05/2004 |
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mood: anxious music: sodifho;sihdf
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Well regardless of feelings shared and those of my own I'm still with Anthony. He really is a really sweet guy and he usually treats me extreamly well, but he can also be so unbrearable too. He has right out said that he knows I'm too good for him, but you think that would change things? As it stands, things are really good I think. He still owes me an annie gift!!!! Well I can't get mad at him about that either cause we were to meet downtown and he went like 2 hours before we were to meet searching ever store he could think of to find me an Emily Strange purse that I wanted...k I was gonna link a pic but I can't find it...(what the pic is like)
ANYWAYS he took me to a bunch of stores and told me I could get whatever I wanted and the only thing I did, the store was closed and we just haven't had time to go back downtown. So if anything, it's my fault I don't have a gift. But he is really sweet and treats me well, that's why I'm still with him, plus I'm really in love with him. I'm not sure what will happen with us but all I can do it hope and pray for the best. I love him, and I know he loves me, that's the main thing, just hope all the best for us I guess. And thank you for any advice you all have or will give, it really means a lot to me. |
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| kzxjfhskdh |
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| 07:56pm 30/04/2004 |
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mood: aggravated music: Crash Continental
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Wow it feels like this week has flown by along with the month. I haven't even been on MSN in days!
Beverley I'm sorry I didn't call you, I tried calling your cell once on Tuesday with no success then went downtown and my phone died.
I ended up going with Carrie in hopes she would get the remaining weddings things she needed, we found a few but not all. After that we went to see Kill Bill Vol.2....GREAT MOVIE! I loved it! Then I the remainder of the night was stressful so I went to bed.
The next day I went out to meet Anthony at the Go stop with a tin can flower I made for him, I guess he liked it...? Went home and we chilled all day. I made some kick ass subs and that was that. The next day was basically the same thing, did some fondue cooking *drool* Went out for a but that evening and that was that.
Today I've just been feeling sick and extremely stressed. My parents have been driving me up the wall, more so my mom then anyone else. I do a number of things around the house to clean since she's not home and what do I get in return? Screaming from the time she gets home till she goes to bed about how I didn't do anything, what I did was wrong and how worthless I am. Way to make me feel better about myself mom. I had to get a dress for a wedding coming up, and after weeks of searching I found one that I loved and I think I look good in...I think I'm wrong, no one seems to think it's that nice...I don't get it. No matter how hard I try I always let people down. I've been saying this for so long, but I really need to move out!!! I can't take living in the same place as my parents. I come to sit down for dinner and my dad looks at me with the most disgusted look till I can't take it anymore and just yell "WHAT DID I DO NOW??" And my mom starts going on how I never do anything right...again...someone just shoot me!
I'm so glad at least things with Anthony are going really well. I'm so happy, he's so crazy about me again and I'm loving every second of it...
( i fucken hate my computer, I took this from Kayce )
GO LEAFS GO
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| what am i going to do? |
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| 08:58pm 20/03/2004 |
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mood: aggravated music: The Beatles
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I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my life! I have way too much school work to do and so little time to get it all done.
( I feel like school will be the end of me )
What it seems my main issue is is that I just have too many things to memorize and get done all at the same time, and I'm sure all of you who read this are thinking "shut the fuck up" cause you're all probably in the same boat as me. Well I'm not able to handel this kinda shit, I'm always trying to finish things ahead of time so I don't have this issue, but the problem seems to be is that there's always something I'm working on that stops me from doing something else. I've cut down my hours at work cause trying to fit in 24 hours of work outside school isn't working and just stressing me out even more cause, well that's a whole other problem of it's own.
I think it's stress that's making me edgy, but I seem to be really testy. I've almost blown up on my manager three times this week cause he's an asshole and I just can take it anymore, and secondly this doesn't seem to be helping my attitude with Anthony. ( hmm.. ) all I want to do is finish EVERYTHING this week and hand it all in next, have it done and MOVE ON WITH SUMMER BREAK and working on bigger more important things. I hate fucken school! |
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| "Rejected" |
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| 11:21am 02/03/2004 |
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mood: impressed music: The Distillers
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Anthony introduced me this cartoon a few weeks ago, and every time I watch it, the more I love it. It makes me wonder how he finds things like this so funny and not be amused by Homestarrunner. Anyways, the cartoons are created by Don Hertzfeldt, and what I'm going to specifically speak about is a cartoon called Rejected that was nominated 2001 Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film. Gosh darnit he should have won! Anyways, I highly recommend viewing this cartoon, I plan on ordering the DVD online because I feel bad just downloading it, this man deserves to receive the proper respect which I don't feel he gets from just downloading his stuff.
Hertzfeldt has created other cartoons which are just as worthy of attention so recomend all of you to check him out and spread the greatness that he has done, and also, be inspired.
( Here are a few images to capture your interest a little more: ) |
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| karma police |
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| 09:29pm 12/02/2004 |
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mood:  artistic music: Crash Continental
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I feel like I'm having the worst karma ever. Or maybe I'm on some downward health spiral. For the past two weeks I've been going through a number of weird illnesses, not like a cold or anything, just weird things. Like one day my chest hurts so much I feel like I can't breath, terrible back pain becoming more frequent, and the list kinda goes on... how scary eh?
I've wanted to learn the guitar for the longest time, and I got one at a salvation army for $20. It needed 2 parts and new strings which I got yesterday which all together came to $24. I haven't started to repair it cause the guy said it looks like it might break... so I'm thinking about it, then today on the radio I heard there's a massive guitar sale tomorrow and sat. SO I MUST GO LOOK!! If I can get a shitty begginners guitar for like $60 I will and return the parts I got since I know I can return them considering the dude said "if it's open you can't return it" so hence I keep receipt in safe place and nothing is to be opened!
Work is still fun, I plan on applying to a new job though. I want to apply at DVS Skate Shoppe. I just feel like working somewhere that doesn't make skateboarding feel like a rich kids sport. Like come on, who can honestly afford AND want to spend $80 on a sweater that the only that's special about it is the name across the front? It's sad.
Things with Anthony are going great. I think the whole not talking on the phone much is really what is best cause this way it keeps things fresh. I hope we get to hang out during reading week since we only ever really see each other at school which really blows I must say.
Anyways, I'm off to work on a number of different things!!
1)reduce the fat pants from 34inch bottoms to 25inches
2)fix black market shirt I got a month ago
3)start of designing operation REALLY COOL PANTS! (will tell more later) |
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| i feel sick |
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| 10:52am 30/01/2004 |
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mood: sick music: Captain Beefheart
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I think it's been long enough that I've gone with no updated entries. Miss me anyone? lol
First I want to say I'M SORRY KAYCE! I've just been mad mofo busy and haven't been able to get a letter out for ya, it's on my "to do" list so by the end of this week one will be written and sent out for you!
Next: school's a bitch
I say that because it is. I'm so annoyed with it! just soooo much journal type stuff which can be fun, if you have time to sit down and work on it! Lithography is one of the single most annoying classes ever. It just takes forever to do. But when you're done it does look rather groovy.
Next: Work is busy
Well next week should chill out a little more since the ass. manager will be back, but this week we're without both so I've been picking up the slack as well. If I didn't have a job I think I wouldn't be behind in anything
NEXT: Things with Anthony
Things are still going great. We both found those stupid flaws that bug the hell out of eachother, but it's nothing big. I'm happy.
Lastly: ACK
I miss making stuff, as in stuff for fun. Like weird clothing and random little artsy fartsy things! I hardly have any time to take for myself never mind to just makes fun things, I'm usually to tired. I can't wait till summer... or reading week.. nah summer, I have way to many things due after reading week :(
That's all about me for now! I hope I can write in here again some time soon. MUAH! LUV YA PPL! |
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| 10:39pm 15/01/2004 |
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mood: accomplished
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WHAT IS UP MY FRIENDS??
Ya I really have no time. I don't even have time to do my homework, or I do and I'm just to tired to bother with anything.
Work:
It's going rather interestingly. We all hate Peter and that's given. So since he's trying to get out manager fired, no one is standing for it so we're all writing notes with dates and details as to what Peter has done wrong. We then give these notes to Stephanie (our manager) and when she collects enough she will then pass them on to our district manager and show him that ass-kissing Peter isn't the goodie goodie he lets on to being. Serves that fucker right.
School:
Well coming up in a week or so, I need to go and find out exactly, the sculpture show will be on with works participating by me! YAY! Other then that, school is hell, I totally blame that fucken music journal! i'm just always so behind in what i planned to do per day to be done on time with out being over stressed with it. I also have another journal I haven't even started yet for my THEA. class. Ugh I want my week off at reading week!
Life:
Parents are still retarded, blaming everything on everyone but themselves! I don't even need to get into partents stuff
OK BACK TO FINISH LIFE SECTION
I'm sick of feeling like my life is on hold, I WANT TO MOVE ON WITH IT. I was talking to Anthony and they rent out this living space to ppl that keep animals (horses) in the barn. No one has lived in there for years, and Anthony has offered that I could move in there if I wanted. HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE! I would be living in my b.f backyard... so that in itself is a little... I don't know. BUT it's closer to school there!! I don't know, I'll think about it when summer swings around... and if I'm still with the dude, we've been dating for 3 months and things are still going really well I'm happy to say! The only thing that I'm all edgy about is
1) How he's still over portective "don't mosh pit!! don't go snowboarding!! don't skateboard!!" and more blah blah blah and I just say fuck you I wanna live..or something like that
2) I have a habbit of lying to people if I'm scared I'll get in deep trouble, it's not something i do often, just when I don't want someone really mad at me, meaning mainly my parents. But I've done this to Anthony twice and he's caught my lie and got seriously pissed and started a whole I CAN'T TRUST YOU! and it wasn't really over anything that big. So easy solution, just be honest... but still, I think he needs to chill a little
But honestly, I'm so fucken lucky. He's amazing! He treats me like a queen! I feel like the luckiest person. I'm seriously fallin for this guy. *sigh* So lesson to you all, good things happen when you wait, and trust me, you really gotta wait a long time sometimes but when it happens it's worth it. I really hope this works out, and I still think it's funny how it all happened. I wonder if my 6th sense is right... |
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| la la land |
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| 09:45pm 02/01/2004 |
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mood:  energetic music: WHATEVER
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Ok I'm just playing around with some of the "Rich Text" option that Live Journal has here...Well testing or not, I'm really not sure HOW to change it back to the simple mode I once had it at! So BEVERLEY HELP ME! or anyone else that might know... cause I'm rather lost at the moment. OH WAIT I figured it out... no cause for alarm people it's all good!
I'm having a lot of computer issues, I think my computer may have a virus cause it's moving really slow even after I deleted lots of stuff, so if someone has a link that they can recomend to me so I can d/l a virus scan it would mean the world to me. oh man this rich text thingy is annoying, they always have such extreams to things, fucken annoying ass shit. Well I guess I'll update everyone on what's been up with me
- Work is kinda shitty. Well mainly still because I hate the ass. Manager and the actual manager aint all that bad I guess, but still, I have issues that I'll come back to. The key holders, being Shane and Carrie are awesome. Obviously I say that about Carrie cause we're friends, but besides that, we just always have the same issues with the same people and we look at it from a store stand point so it's not like we're just being judmental bitches. Shane and I are getting to be good friends. We found really common grounds with the art of photography and our passion to have the crap scared out of us by seeing a ghost or some kinda ghostly experience.Today he picked me up from work and he drove to the abandoned Whitby Pych, then we went to Port Parrie to a bar that he goes to a lot and everyone says is haunted. NOTHING HAPPENED. Well we shot a roll of pictures each at Whitby, and at the bar, we sat on the "haunted floor" and just took our sweet time eating and such. The onely odd thing was Shane kept getting a really strong wiff of an over powering womens perfume, he said it smelled really flowery, like mostly old ladies wear, but no one was sitting anywhere close to us and I couldn't smell it. When I did get up and make my way towards the washroom I did get a sudden over pwering smell of flowers, but it went as fast as it came. So I sent shane in that direction and he smelled it, he came back with the same results. 2min later I got up and walked by and the smell was gone.. a bit later he smelled it at our table again. That was it of the smell. So that's all in that field
- Derek believe it or not, has been contacting me a lot this week. We went off on a little adventure of getting lost driving around Ontario, and he's been bringing me along and asking me to join in helping him in building furniture and learning tools since I've been building stuff with my dad for years. So I find it really fun and interesting to have Derek actively back in my life... for however long he may be before we go into our long non-talking phases.
- Things with Anthony are going really really well. I'm so happy! I wonder what will happen as time passes, but I'm not going to try and assume or guess, I'll just take it as it comes. I'm just glad that things are how they are.
- After 10 years or more of growing and keeping my hair so it reached at least half-way down my back, I'm sad to say that it's mostly all gone. YUP that's right, I cut it, really short... well it's really short compaired to what it was. It's even shorter then Beverley's hair I think... it's just a wee bit past my shoulders, oh and I kept a rat tail that I keep braided, don't see much of them anymore eh!! But I did put the red orange and yellow back into the tips, I just couldn't bare seeing the boring natural colour!
So that's all of it really! I hope to be posting pictures up on my site soon. I'm getting the roll I took today to get developed tomorrow and if some worked out, I'll have LOTS of amazing shots, including some writing on the wall that was done by Billy Talent and can be seen in the music video (it's a spider on the wall and said something, I don't remember what.) So anyways, that's all for now and I'll let you know when I have stuff posted. TAKE CARE!!!
oh and i'm not spell checking cause i'm in a bit of a rush, thus this was a rush entry so sorry for all you grammer freaks *cough-BEV-cough* |
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silence_death's journal
